Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Hippies piss me off. Yuppies even more so, but I'm getting ahead of myself here.

Life is expensive in Boulder, CO (thank you So. Cal rich kids). Yet for some inexplicable reason hippies flock to this place. I'm guessing it has something to do with the liberal attitude to the green herbs, but I wish they'd spend a quarter of their weed money on basic hygiene.

I'm not opposed to harboring the idea of world peace, growing beards,  sleeping all day, shying away from work. Whatever works. But do you mind not getting in my way as I'm trying to escape the stench you and your buddies cause in the middle of the best walkway in town? Do not jump in front of me begging "hey man slow down, I'll let you hit me in the face for a dollar?". No pubeface, I won't give you my leftovers - I plan to eat them later. The last time this happened, el beardo followed me for a block sarcastically thanking me. Suck it up asshole, I conformed to society - and I have food eat.

And no, being honest about using my dollar to but the "good stuff" won't sway my sympathies. Nice try - do you know how many sandwiches an eighth is worth? Or how many laundry cycles that is? Speaking of which, why do all of you assholes dress the same way - long sleeved shirts, thick jackets, cargoes and boots? It's fuckin 70 degrees man, give your sweat glands (and my olfactory nerves) a rest. Scratch that, I have no wish to see you shirtless, carry on. 

A friend feels the same way. He's rather "compactly built", and was approached by a thin gangly hippie with the "hit me for a dollar" routine. Problem was, the friend's rather well versed with the martial arts. Mr. Free spirit soon found himself to be the owner of a broken nose.

All's well that ends well.


Rassles said...

I would rather punch a hippy than kick a puppy, that's for sure.

Purely Narcotic said...

What's that So.Cal bit there eh?

In Bishop somewhere on the fringes of Death Valley, I saw a signboard on the front door of a dinky li'l pub that was advertising Budweiser: Hippies please use the rear entrance.

Thanatos said...

@ Rassles : That's a hard choice, really.

@ Narco : All the beamers and the jettas driving in the middle of road twice the speed limit while playing lousy hiphop = contribution of So Cal in good ol' Boulder.

Heh, hippies drink organic beer. Local organic beer.

Blues said...

Fuckin hippies. I just can't tolerate anyone that so predictably defies social norms so that they can become accepted by another social group. Give it up. If you go into the woods and live for a year and you end up with dreadlocks, okay, I get that. But you live in San Francisco dude, with running water. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

Thanatos said...

Hello Blues. Hippies must be allergic to soap and lather. And common sense.