Thursday, May 7, 2009

Begonia Seduction Scene

Ever wake up on a Saturday morning and realize that memories of the night before are somewhat hazy? I get that vague uneasy feeling when the topic of my behavior comes up. Me and a friend were talking after a long time.

Friend : So guess what, I've completely lost tolerance for annoying people
Me : Uh-huh.
F: Yeah, I give them a piece of my mind without holding back.
Me : Heh, results may vary.
F : Yeah, I'm rude, snappy and curt.
Me : ...
F: And I haven't gotten laid in a year.
Me : ...
F: Dude, I'm turning into you!

This morning the IT guy at work was fixing my computer. As part of a random conversation he asked me "You just like being a dick don't you?" He wasn't being very serious, but it's not the first time I've got that.

Although specific instances are hard to remember, almost anyone who knows me tells me I can be quite the prick. But therein lies the catch - I have great friends that have been with me for nearly 5 years now. I must be doing something right.

I could easily get rid my angsty scrawling from '05-07, who's ever proud of their teenage "poetry"? But it's here for a reason. While attention, site hits and comments are greatly appreciated, I love reading my own writing. The same way I like certain songs, reading posts from those off-limits, breathless years makes me smile, appreciate my life as it stands now. It gives me hope that the things that aren't going well now will just be a memory in a few years. And what do I expect readers to get from this? A picture of someone evolving, wanting to listen, and willing to share. Mirrors my efforts in real life.

There are times when my patience surprises even me, and makes me miss the edginess I was known for. The temper does get the better of me at times, but it takes very little to dissipate. Doesn't mean I'm any weaker than before, but I'm getting closer to my goal of using my anger as a tool.

"Hatred is a powerful emotion" said Jim Morrison, and boy do I know about that firsthand. Time to leanback and finish my drink. I think I've earned it.


Purely Narcotic said...

I'll come back to read the post but I must say I grinned and grinned when I read the title.


Purely Narcotic said...

It wasn't that long a post so I read it after I commented. Heh.

All that patience probably has something to do 'Pyuuure vegetarian' Brahmin boys who spend two months living all alone in the Rockies.

A dick is not someone who is just rude, snappy and curt and who hasn't gotten laid in a year but the one who thinks being rude-snappy-curt will get him laid in the next year. You relate? No? Thank God. We have enough emo-dicks in the world, we need no more!

Thanatos said...

Haha, I knew you'd understand the title.

True, it also has a lot to do with a certain herb ;)

Haha yes. This friend's a pretty nice guy who's a little jaded right now, glad he hasn't lost his sense of humor.

I don't understand the whole "girls like guys who're rude to them" spin. Neither does he, which is why we still talk I guess. Now as far as the emo-dicks are concerned, I think it's an incurable condition :)

Purely Narcotic said...

Send these women to BDSM conditioning classes, I say. Anyway, I think that rudeness bit translates to 'taking the trip' which for most women is what a sense of humour is. Alas!

Well, I have women friends who've told me they like being bossed around. They want their men to 'be' men. Incomprehensible but it exists!

Emo-dicks are from another planet altogether. They are the male counterparts of those women who knock themselves out over a man's rudeness/bossiness/'manly' factor. Same craving only different.

(Aside: Check chat log aitha? ;))

Thanatos said...

I'm sure there are polite ways of "being a man".