Tuesday, September 29, 2009

After the thrill is gone

My circle of friends has shrunk steadily as people found jobs, made careers and families and sought out lives in different states/countries. Something we all share is our ability to get into super-long (often times long distance) relationships with unwavering commitment. The shortest relationship was a friend who broke up with a boyfriend of one year. I haven't been in enough serious relationships to know of a clean way to break-up. I don't intend to find out either, and am eternally grateful that the kid tolerates me.

That brings me to the other thing we all share - horrifying breakup stories. When I was studying, I knew a bunch of first generation Americans (Indian heritage). They were about 10 in number, and had revolving relationships. After 2 years of college, everyone had dated everyone else in the group and still stayed on good terms. Contrastingly, the breakups in my group were painful and always resulted in the full cycle of grief.

The current spectacle unfolding in front of my eyes involves two of my oldest buddies. They made an adorable couple - she's half-Mexican half American, he's Taiwanese. She's an all American blond who can be a loud shrieking latina in an instant and he's heavily accented and goes "ayyah" when he misses a shot on the pool table (which is nearly all the time). Her house was the first place in the states I got mad wasted and he's been a frequent partner in drunken crime. They've always been "just friends" to others' questions about their status but I'm privy to their love-life, since we go back a long way. She's ambitious but in the conventional sense - work, study and work more. He's calculating and the kind to go off the beaten track - networking, business and independence. They somehow made it work for sometime, but things grew sour over the last year. They broke-up, got back and broke-up again. He moved away, almost lost his visa, she offered him a green-card by means of marriage and it was over again. He moved back to Colorado to rekindle the flames and they promptly parted ways again. I'm told the main issue is differing opinions on having kids, but he's told me more about his reasons than I care to share here.

They tried being friends, that clearly didn't work. I'm not sure whose idea this was, but they're now in a visitation regime, wherein they hang once a week. I'm not sure how platonic this is, for we're allowed nowhere close to the troubled couple. The plan, I'm told is to keep this for 3 months, and then stop hanging out all together. If you're rolling your eyes, you're not alone. Lets forget that something as complicated as a relationship, moreso a troubled one, can never be bound by a forced plan. It just saddens me that I'm being made to choose my company. They will not be seen with each other in public anymore, or multiple times a week. This means only one of them can be around the rest of us, while the beer and jokes flow. The girls in the group have all moved on, so it's the guy who's always with us.

It's a pity because I love her company too. She's funny, intelligent and cultured. I don't want to lose her as a friend and wish I could bump their heads together until something sensible got knocked into them. But that's just me being selfish. As of now, all I can do is watch helplessly as two good people go further and further down an unpleasant spiral.


Rassles said...

That is a damn dirty shame. I get notoriously frustrated with friends' relationships, especially when they have an effect on me, because I am very, very selfish.

But the silver lining is that you might be able to trick them into each other's arms, and it's always fun being the the deux ex machina in a bad romantic comedy.

Have fun with that.

Perakath said...

Yes, a shame, that. But so it goes, non? We lose friends all the time.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

always weird when that happens no? forced to take sides and thats just damn messy.

Thanatos said...

@Rassles : I'm working hard on getting them back together. I know what my halloween costume will be.

@ Perakath : Hate losing a friend for no fault of mine though.

@ Cynic : Yeah, so far I'm siding with the girl, but lets see how it goes.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

The only one who can force you to choose is yourself. If you refuse to take sides, they have to reevaluate their position. If they can't deal, it's on them. I'm sorry you have to sit back and watch all this go to shit.

Thanatos said...

@Not : True, the future's uncertain and the end is always near!