If

This is a nothing post. I'm not sure what's going on, but I have nothing to say. 

Let's call this a bastard post then. I'll nick words from clever songs, italicize them, and appeal to your intellect. And hope to fake it like I have one.

If I were a train, I'd be late again.
And if I were a good man, I'd talk with you more often than I do.
 

I'm way too full of me nowadays. I want to talk to people only to talk about me. If they won't listen, I don't want to hear them either. 

If I were afraid, I could hide.
If I were a good man, I'd understand the spaces between friends.
If I were alone, I would cry.
And if I were with you, I'd be home and dry.
And if I go insane, will you still let me join in with the game?*

Dear world, do me a favor. Give me a chance to figure this out. Somewhere in-between books on shamans and lonely weekends in the great mountains, I'll find answers to questions I can't yet put to paper. Stay tuned, don't hit the dial, and all that.

And the night that you got locked in
Was the time to decide
Stop chasing shadows
Just enjoy the ride**

I'm not unhappy. I could tell you about my busy work hours, near perfect weekday routine, seemingly random but satisfying weekends.

Or I could just turn around and let you look at me. Not today. Not now.

*   Pink Floyd - If

** Morecheeba - Enjoy the ride