Thursday, June 11, 2009

Heavy Fuel

Greetings Yanks.

It's me, the brown guy with the funny accent. I have studied your people, and I'm fascinated. You love your pop-culture, light beer, your smoke-free zones, parenthood, barbeque, family dinners, inter-city sports extravaganzas, reruns of those sports extravaganzas, religious holidays - sometimes all in the same day.

I do like barbeque sauce. And driving on your beautiful roads. Driving fast, that is.

Most Americans are early morning people. Or so I thought when I first got here. All "early" appointments are at dawn break, at times when any self respecting Indian is still dreaming of black Friday bargains. Turns out you guys aren't actually early morning people. You need to get home early to fight with the family so bad, you get to work early and stay juiced up on coffee all day long. We Indians like getting to work later than you chaps do (9 AM usually) but we're fuckin' ready to deliver when the minute hand ticks past '59.

Your morning routines are a travesty heaped on someone already in a foul mood thanks to no good office timings. You drive slow, real slow - 10 below the limit on a 25 mile single lane street because you're still ingesting your first cup of black magic. Let me level with you - I'm a bad planner. I do not factor traffic, indeed driving time, into my morning commute so I'm always in a fuckin' hurry.

Though I don't know why I bother, because when I do get to work, everyone else is crowded around the blasted coffee machine sharing dry witticisms. You're in an office. Work, don't chat. Warm up before you get here. Before you leave the house. The road to work is not the place for quiet contemplation/relaxation. Find a hidden mountain road for that indulgence on your own time.

Look guys, I love this country and its people. But lets make life a little easier for all of us. Sleep an hour extra everyday. Or two. It will change your life. You'll be better relaxed, tolerate your spouse and kids that much more, and get to work ready to throw punches.

If not that, please get off the road when you see an angry brown kid speeding in the school zone.

Many thanks,

PS : I deleted this post by accident in a spree of late night editing. I've managed to recover it, but Narco and Lil your comments are lost in the intertubes. Sorry!


Rassles said...

I take my goddamn time getting everywhere, whether I'm late or not. I just feel like rushing causes unnecessary stress, and schedules don't apply to me.

I piss people off.

Thanatos said...

Oh boy, check your mirrors. I'm sure I'd tail you.

Anonymous said...

You should move to LA, your driving skills will fit right in. Just don't get caught on the fwy during office rush :)