Monday, June 19, 2006

An interview

No, but I will be

You promised you'll behave
I'm doing the best I can

Never mind.. So. When was the first time?
First time? First time for what? There's a a first time for everything you know

There should also be a last time for all the cliches you use. Go on, you know what I'm talking about
But whats the big deal? I did it less than ten times

Thats ten more than most people will ever do in their lives.
They arent people. Sheep in a flock

You arent very unique with that Nike merch
Hmm... Nike's good. I like whites

Get to the point
Some friendly interview this is. You promised you would be nice

I'm trying hard sweetheart. Now tell me, what made you do it
Nothing in particular. I just wanted to feel it

So it wasnt depression? Feelings of rejection?
Hell no. I'm friendly and happy, people love me, many cant do without me

That death metal stuff you listen to all the time?
I dont listen to death metal. Talentless jerks. You should listen to The Doors. Will change your life

Like it did to yours?
Oh come on, thats saying too much

What made you do it? Sense of adventure? Wasnt bungee jumping enough?
Nah. I've never done anything that drastic. I did it for the taste

Excuse me?
The taste. It lasts a few seconds. But you'll love it

Back up. Tell me what exactly goes through your mind before this..this uh practice of yours
Its not a practice. Not even a habit. Anyway, the feeling before I do it is of intense anticipation. My heart thumps wildly, I had goosebumps the first time, my tongue sticks out, mouth goes dry. Then the last sight is the gleam. A flash

I thought you were afraid of razor blades.
I still am. I used safety blades. Ironic isn't it?

I fail to see the irony. Anyway, describe the act
So the gleam is the last straw. The blade then goes quickly across the skin. I used the upper forearm. Its easy to justify injuries to that area. Faster, deeper the better. When the metal makes contact, the skin turns pale white. If you hear carefully, there's a small tearing sound the skin makes. The two seams part, and for a second nothing happens. But the pain...ah the pain. Its right where you want it. All the way down the arm. A tingling sensation in my lower body. Then an explosion of senses. You realize you havent been breathing. You can taste blood. And I suspect the adrenaline in it. Did you know adrenaline is called Epinephrine?

No. Go on
So thats my favorite part. I do it just for that. That taste in my mouth. Then my head swims and I feel so alert. I can smell better, perhaps my own senses. I am so much more concious, more alive, if you will.

No cliches, please
Never again. Then the blood flows. That red blood. Its such a turn on. It actually makes noise when it drips. I let it drip on my thighs. It feels cold. You know you hit pay dirt when the blood is dark red. And then, just as quickly as it happened, it all shrinks to that one line on your arm. Its silent again. Just oozing blood.

You let it bleed?
Hell no. You know how you like cleaning up right after sex? I just need to dry that wound and patch it up ASAP.

Thats it?
Yeah thats it. I told you, no big deal

Still, what makes you do it? Scarred childhood?
Haha. Stop being the shrink. You know I had a great childhood. I was spoilt rotten. Its just the rush. Some jump off a cliff, I cut myself.

Do you believe in the devil?
Ah screw you. I'm an atheist. We're gonna die, and rot to dust and bones.

Jeez. You look so different in real life. So much more vibrant. Who can guess you're um, uh

Are you? I wouldnt know, not a shrink
Good for me

Sure is weird living with you
With me? Or inside my head?

Aint they both the same?


Purely Narcotic said...

Blood! Bloody yummy. Not the same way this post talks about it but I know I'd make for a damn good killer. And then I'd be caught too because I'd be sitting there staring at it and smelling it and grinning. Damn.

Thanatos said...


Don't kill me okay?